Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
