Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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