You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is Oprah even human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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