I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
