I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
