batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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