so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize