I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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