Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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