i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
