i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
