I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
