sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
bring money and cleavage
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
