is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Green mimosas i think yes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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