it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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