I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hippo gnu deer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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