we're chasing vodka with high fives
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
