I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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