I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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