Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
