You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
