Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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