dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
