so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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