I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
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I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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