Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
