I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.