Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.