Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...

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(910): Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table... http://tfl.nu/b55w

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(469): View more from Texas

I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.

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(469): I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep. http://tfl.nu/j5ig

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(740): View more from Ohio

I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.

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(740): I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies. http://tfl.nu/6rhb

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(631): View more from New York

Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?

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(631): Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"? http://tfl.nu/0zdv

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(203): View more from Connecticut

either way he was missing a nipple.

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(203): either way he was missing a nipple. http://tfl.nu/17oh

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.

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(610): I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out. http://tfl.nu/jm8j

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(317): View more from Indiana

that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.

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(317): that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead. http://tfl.nu/rwpy

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.

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(918): i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/yiek

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(905): View more from Ontario

How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.

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(905): How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots. http://tfl.nu/qww5

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.

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(901): Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn. http://tfl.nu/sdqi

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(416): View more from Toronto

Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.

(647): View more from Ontario

Would it have been easier if he talked to her?

(416): View more from Toronto

Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.

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(416): Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled. (647): Would it have been easier if he talked to her? (416): Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing. http://tfl.nu/gzgt

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.

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(608): I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge. http://tfl.nu/n8yp

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.

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(603): Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon. http://tfl.nu/3aco

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(276): View more from Virginia

Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.

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(276): Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees. http://tfl.nu/acn4

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(540): View more from Virginia

Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.

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(540): Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit. http://tfl.nu/u4dw

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