I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
