honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position