if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
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I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused