Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?