I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"