Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need moral support for this bender
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.