Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?