my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?