I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.