thanks...oh and i got my period
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
did i walk over a car last night?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice