I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad