YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???