I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker