I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?