We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
