Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
