already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
