Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize