im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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