I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
