He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
All the doctor said was why
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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