He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going