I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything