morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?