Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.