woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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