you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
