I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Farmville is her only friend.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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