This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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