i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize