My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize