he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I want is dick and wine.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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