I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize