goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.