Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high

  (954): View more from Florida

  Yeah, I don't like babies at all

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  (404): I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high (954): Yeah, I don't like babies at all http://tfl.nu/6jzu
  Replies (11) Good night (3180) Bad night (662)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

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  (908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles. (908): Fuck I'm high. http://tfl.nu/titc
  Replies (56) Good night (1610) Bad night (3301)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house

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  (732): so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house http://tfl.nu/3ust
  Replies (18) Good night (530) Bad night (3848) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car

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  (650): he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car http://tfl.nu/7wdo
  Replies (5) Good night (1065) Bad night (3404) Order T-Shirt
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it

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  (867): lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it http://tfl.nu/o5td
  Replies (9) Good night (1597) Bad night (4077) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.

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  (617): i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar. http://tfl.nu/1t99
  Replies (7) Good night (2750) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.

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  (540): Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps. http://tfl.nu/aqjz
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (6067) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover

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  (314): rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover http://tfl.nu/mxp0
  Replies (15) Good night (5034) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

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  (205): I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that. http://tfl.nu/zu4z
  Replies (9) Good night (1000) Bad night (2283)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.

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  (518): I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how. http://tfl.nu/ue8l
  Replies (4) Good night (2135) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies

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  (636): If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies http://tfl.nu/2ary
  Replies (3) Good night (894) Bad night (1352) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.

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  (517): This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/9rmg
  Replies (5) Good night (1418) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another

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  (248): maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another http://tfl.nu/vil6
  Replies (6) Good night (766) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"

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  (612): Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here" http://tfl.nu/wz3j
  Replies (1) Good night (1125) Bad night (209)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"

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  (910): I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!" http://tfl.nu/ji9a
  Replies (2) Good night (606) Bad night (116) Order T-Shirt

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