I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.