i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.