You're my little dorito
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him