He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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