thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
