Whod you bang
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
